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AJC
applewonders
04 April 2009 @ 07:12 pm
Rant: Good Kids & Bad Kids  
I feel bad for calling them bad kids, but I really can't find a better word to describe kids who misbehave badly...ESPECIALLY in public.

I feel so, so, so blessed to have a little girl who truly is just an angel to be around. Now, I'm not bragging and I don't ever take credit for the way she is (which sounds weird enough, but I just don't go telling people "I sure do a fantastic job at raising her...").

Maybe it has got to do with the fact that she's never been in the care of other people other than me and her dad. We've tried many times leaving her with other people (relatives, daycares, etc.) but as some of you know, I always failed miserably. I just could never do it. I would much rather not have a life of my own than leave my child in the hands of others. That's just me. That's why it's rare you'll ever see me at the clubs or what have you...hence the lack of "clubbing" pics.

Chei is the type of child who will always ask if she wanted something. When we're out at the mall or grocery store, she'll ask for a toy and although most of the time I say yes, I can tell her "No, not today..." and she'll understand without a peep or whine. And she never touches things that are not hers. She's also very gentle with others, even other kids her age. Never hits or yells at other people/kids. Yes, there are times when she wants to be stubborn. Like when it's time for bed and brush her teeth, sometimes I have to ask her five times before she gets her butt in to the washroom. Or dinner time; her dad usually eats in front of the tv and she's made it a habit to do the same so it takes her FOREVER to finish dinner because of the distraction. So since I put my foot down and told both of them that dinner is to be eaten on the kitchen table, she'll put on her "I'm not happy" face and drag her feet all the way to the kitchen...her AND her dad. But other than those things, she really is a good kid.

So when I saw another little girl at the mall today screaming and pulling her mother's hair in front of everyone to see, I couldn't help but wonder how does a child become like that? Is it lack of discipline or is the child really just a terror? What I can't stand the most are bratty kids. Kids who yell and hit when they don't get what they want. The types of kids you see on Supernanny. Oh my, don't get me started on Supernanny. I cringe at the thought of having kids like the kids featured on that show. I'm sorry, but how do you NOT beat your kids when they behave like thaaat??? They hit, spit, and curse at you...seriously! Beat your kid! Lol. Joking aside, I do not condone physical abuse or any kind of abuse against children. You guys must think I'm some scary mom who beats her own child til she's black and blue. I could never hurt my kids and am thankful that my child has never pushed me to even think about it.

So moms...how do you discipline your kids when they behave badly?
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yummmmm[info]ilovefood on April 5th, 2009 06:54 am (UTC)
ur so lucky to have such a good daughter like chei. i see those kinda kids at the mall and i always always get so scared. i hope and pray that kane will not be like that or else i will seriously have to beat him. don't disrespect me! especially in public! hahaha i'm always in awe of how the parents can stay so calm in public when everyone is watching. i don't think i could ever....someone would probably call the cops on me. i especially hate hate hate those parents that just ignore the kid and leave them be. like hello there are people around take that kid outta here and discipline him/her in private.
AJC[info]applewonders on April 5th, 2009 08:27 pm (UTC)
i'm always like wtf when i see kids throwing tantrums and the parents don't do anything about it. i get irritated easily with stuff like that so when i see my nephew do that, i give him the evil eye to scare him. haha. and another time i saw a mother literally carrying her child like a log outside of superstore while the kid was screaming on the top of her lungs "I HATE YOU MOM! I HOPE YOU DIE!" holy geezus, everyone froze and watched the poor mother turn red in the face as she hurried outta there.
OhSams: jess heartglasses[info]ohsams on April 5th, 2009 07:15 am (UTC)
im like you. im so grateful to have a well behaved child.

ever since jess was a baby, she never cried. seriously, she never had those full on crying fits... EVER. i was in a supermarket one day and hearing a baby bawl their lungs out it suddenly dawned on me that my child had never done that.

as much as i love her, im pretty strict. mainly because growing up my parents were quite strict on me and my siblings on manners and how to respect other people, ourselves and how to act accordingly. so in turn i feel the same about my child. i would die if she would ever to tell me to f.. off... no, i'll kick her ass then die inside.

i blame the parents. seriously. until a certain age, the childs biggest influence are their parents. if you swear, they swear. if you dont say please and thank you, nor do they. it really is that simple. i feel we live in a society that parents are hesitate to discipline their kids, because its much more hard work to enforce it than to give in. but it'll only ruin them later on in life. because once your child doesnt 'fear' you (and bear in mind, as your child growns up, that develops into respect), then they wont respect the teachers and then later on the police.

jessice use to have a naughty corner, that was 2 years ago and she hasnt been back since. i use the 1,2,3 method. she comes running or stops what shes doing at the count of 1. i explain alot of things after telling her off. she at a age where she understands alot more than i give her credit for.

though i dont beat her. the notion is there.

i cant stand ill behaved kids. working at the restaurant you see so many parents too busy eating to control their kids in a place where there is other people also trying to enjoy their meal without having brats scream and run up and down the restaurant. and yes, i have told the parents to control their children!

AJC[info]applewonders on April 7th, 2009 06:02 am (UTC)
i don't think i'm strict at all. i'm more over-protective than anything else. and you are sooooo right, your children are likely to do the things that you do (or don't do). chei always says her "please and thank you's" because i'm pretty much the same way and so is her dad. and what's funny is when she hears something that she feels is not a nice word, she will ask if she could use it before saying it...like the other day, she asked me if "f*ck" is a bad word. she didn't say the word out loud, she actually had to whisper it in to my ear because she didn't want other people to hear her say it. i was so shocked to hear her say it, but i wasn't so surprised as to how or where she picked it up from. i remembered her dad yelling at someone on the phone a few days before she came to me, he was cursing and used the word f*ck a lot during that conversation. of course i explained to her that that word was not a nice word and is not to be used by children. i didn't bother explaining to her what it meant, jus told her it was bad. she knodded her head and said, "ok. thanks mum!" so yes, kids do pick up your habits...and they're quick, too!

i am worried more now than ever because she will be starting kindergarten this fall. i am so afraid of the bad things she will pick from the other kids. but this time i don't have a choice but to let her go. i have to let her grow on her own =(
beautymask[info]beautymask on April 5th, 2009 09:20 pm (UTC)
i agree 100% with you about the supernanny show. most of the time, the parents are not around or do not bother to discipline their kids and let them disrespect their parents.

although i don't have kids yet (it's baking!!), i know i'm not going to take any crap from them or it's over for them. like bill cosby said, "i bought you INTO this world, and i can take you OUT!" LOL!
AJC[info]applewonders on April 7th, 2009 06:06 am (UTC)
boy, the kids on that show never fail to surprise me. and you know, sometimes it's clear that the parents are to blame. there was one episode where the mom chose to care for her pet pig over her two children and she was so upset when the nanny told her the pig has to stay outside of the house. i was like wtf is wrong with that woman?!?

haha, gotta love bill cosby!

and you are going to be one awesome mom! can't wait to read about your future parenting issues. lol, j/k
mk.vang[info]simplenchic on April 6th, 2009 01:29 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad to hear that your little girl is so well-behaved. I honestly think kids will act the way you treat them. If you yell and scream, they will yell and scream. If you make a big deal out of something, they will make a big deal out of something. My point is that these little people look up to you so you better be on your best behavior.

I'm lucky that both my little rugrats are "good." *knock on wood* I don't believe in "hitting" them when they are "bad." My parents would spank us when my siblings and I were kids and I remember it never teaching me anything. It only made me angry at them or want to rebel more. Instead, I choose to talk to the kids when they've done something bad. I let them know that I am upset and I ask them why they think I'm upset. Most of the time, they know why mom's upset. I really believe in communicating to get things done. It's the root to a lot of things. Most times, it's just miscommunication that produces problems.

Okay, that was a novel. Sorry. I'm done now =)
AJC[info]applewonders on April 7th, 2009 06:13 am (UTC)
i used to get the beating when i was a kid, too. and you are so right, it doesn't teach you anything! when i hit 12-13 yrs of age, i started to rebel so bad because there was no communication in my family. there was no telling what i did wrong everytime i got hit, so after each time i just went and did it again - sometimes more worse than the last. believe it or not, it wasn't until i got pregnant at the age of 19 when i decided to straighten up. i realized that there was no way i was going to let my unborn child grow up the way i did. growing up, my mom and i were never close. and now, with my daughter and i, EXACT opposite. we are so attached to eachother that sometimes i wonder if we will ever learn to be without eachother. i fear that day, but i know it will eventually come =(
mk.vang[info]simplenchic on April 7th, 2009 04:13 pm (UTC)
My daughter and I are super close too. She always says that I'm her best friend =) I too fear that someday she'll rebel against myself and her father and I'll be left in the dust BUT it doesn't stop me from telling her how much I love her and how awesome she is. I think you're right about the communication thing. If it's not there, there's definitely a problem. That's why I always stress to her that I can't read her mind so if she's angry, mad, sad, happy, we should always talk about it so we know for sure what each other is really feeling. taking guesses is never accurate. She's pretty good about telling me things verbally. *knock on wood*
oceanize[info]oceanize on April 6th, 2009 03:11 pm (UTC)
Chei is such an angel! I gotta give it to you, that you and J have taught her well :). I gotta say though, your latest post reminds me of this (lol):



AJC[info]applewonders on April 7th, 2009 06:21 am (UTC)
hahaha! i watched that episode yrs ago and i laughed so hard because it is soooooo true! immigrant parents DO beat their kids! i don't know anyone of my non-caucasian friends who never got the beating when they were kids, myself included.

and you know what else is true about that clip? the white kids who never got beat are usually the ones with the issues. i'm not saying all of them are like that, but i know a lot who are. i remember some of the white girls i went to school with, all they talked about was how they were going to get wasted over the weekend when their parents went away or how they planned on going to the movies with some guy when what they told their parents was that they were going to study at blahblah's house. of course those things don't sound so extreme, but c'mon...we all know what happens behind closed doors when a girl is wasted or when youre in a dark theater with some guy.

but you know, it's not just about beating your kids. it's when you let your kids get away with everything and don't communicate with them.
Your Obscenity Amuses Me[info]sweetcandlelite on April 7th, 2009 02:24 am (UTC)
I have yet to have kids but helped babysit my younger cousins till I was about ready to go off to college. Not mine in the physical world but I have had the unpleasent essence of being a parent at a young age. Even now with the b/f's 7 nieces and nephews (yes, SEVEN!), whom I occassioanlly babysit and take out, I will be strict with them. His sister once said to me that I run the kids with an iron fist and that she'd never hesitate to ask me to babysit. The kids now when I'm to have fun and when it's time to settle. His two nieces stayed over after we got our apartment and the 4 year old is used to staying up till 2AM watching cartoons because her father lets her. The poor kid has dark circles and bags under her eyes already. B/f and I sleep around 11 or 12 so I made her go to sleep. She refused so I called her father to pick her up.....she wailed for a good hour till her dad came. Then proceeded to beg her father to let her stay when she was in the car. When she came back up, she shut up and went to bed.

I hate kids who act like that and I try to tell his brother and sis-in-law that they need to be more strict because the 2 youngest are out of control but they won't listen. The youngest, who's 2 right now is even worse, cries to get everything she wants and everyone comes running to her. But she hates me because I refuse to give in when I watch her.

B/f has a soft heart and gives them whatever they want and he doesn't see the problem in it...he even calls me mean! But the ones who have kids understand that it's more like I don't tolerate BS from kids. How are you the parent when you let them walk all over you?!?
AJC[info]applewonders on April 7th, 2009 06:23 am (UTC)
haha, why is it that i can totally picture you that way with kids? lol. not that it's a bad thing. you remind me of my older sister actually. she's the same way with my nephew, strict.

and i couldn't agree more with your last sentence!
Your Obscenity Amuses Me[info]sweetcandlelite on April 7th, 2009 02:19 pm (UTC)
Eh, I'm a bitch. Plus, I was raised in that environment. For years, I swear the only word my parents knew was "NO!" But I can kind of see how it's affected me and my upbringing.
m15s_understood[info]m15s_understood on April 8th, 2009 02:59 am (UTC)
my cousins daughter is one of those bratty, annoying kids that WE both hate to be around. At barely 3 years old, she's so damn bratty. every time she sees a mickey d's - she starts kicking and yelling for fries ... yes. fries at barely 3 years old!!! her parents will almost always stop to buy her the fries bec. she's "kawawa" if they don't give her what she wants. Her parents feel it's necessary to give in to her every little whim and she's has both of them wrapped around her tiny fingers.

ugh. when i'm around her and her parents - i have to make sure i bite my tongue and not say anything.
AJC[info]applewonders on April 9th, 2009 07:27 pm (UTC)
oh my, that really sounds terrible. the kid is so young and already has control over her parents...

but if it makes you (or them) feel any better, she's not the only child i've seen like that. my friend's daughter is the same age as chei (turning 5): still being hand-fed by her parents, still takes sippy cups, still IN DIAPERS...basically, she's a 5 yr old who can speak like a 5 yr old, but acts like a baby. at first i thought it was just a condition she has, but really, it's the parents giving in to everything that she wants. it's not that she can't feed herself, it's because the parents give in as soon as she says that she "can't". and she's still in diapers because they've never really properly trained her. but when you talk to her, she speaks fine just like any other kid. which is odd. so sometimes, it really is the parents that's the problem.
Kay[info]kayvang on April 11th, 2009 01:46 am (UTC)
Omg, so funny that I came across this particular post today. Yesterday my bf and I were out with his sister and 2 of their nieces and one of their nephews. We went and ate at this pretty nice restaurant where they both used to work at.

We started eating and out of nowhere one of my bf's niece starts crying because apparently she thought that my bf's sister was yelling at her (when she wasn't). Well she started crying and I'm not talking about those whimpy little sobs, haha. It was one of those where slimmy boogers are hanging out and she was kicking the bottom of the table with her feet and screaming "I want to goooo hommmeeeee!!!!" incredibly loud Omg, so embarassing!! My bf's sister was like "Just let her cry, ignore her!" And i was like, "nuh-uh! take her outside right now david!!" Thank god his niece lived near the restaurant, because my bf ended up taking her home and coming back to join us for the rest of the night.

I just don't get it too. I mean, I know i'm not a mom yet so i can't speak as if I am one but it's soo scary to see it...hahah. She's 3 years old and doesn't listen at all and I'm just like, "Do they even discipline her?"

Honestly I think it's the parents because the rest of my bf's nieces and nephews are not like his niece who was crying. And his niece who was crying, his older brother (5 years old) acts just like her too. And it's so scary because once they start crying, there's nothing you can do to stop them! =/

-K
AJC[info]applewonders on April 14th, 2009 02:22 am (UTC)
oh man, that's another one of my pet peeves...kids crying and screaming in public over the pettiest things. i can't ignore a crying child for some reason, especially if it's over nothing.

i used to send chei to the bathroom and shut the door everytime she freaked out over nothing. i have only done it about 3 times and after that, she learned her lesson...mommy's not gonna have any of that.
Kay[info]kayvang on April 11th, 2009 01:56 am (UTC)
Oh and your story with Chei asking you about the bad word reminds me the video I was watching w/ Ben Affleck about his Daughter Violet...LOL

AJC[info]applewonders on April 14th, 2009 02:22 am (UTC)
i have to watch this!
Aisa[info]misssayuri on April 18th, 2009 05:38 am (UTC)
i don't
have kids but when i do i hope i never have to resort to that. And i seriously hope i will not raise the kind of kids who will yell and scream and misbehave... When i see those kids scream in their high pitched voices at the mall... it makes me cringe too!

 
 

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